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"Do you have a backup account?"

When I am asked this question, it stirs something inside of me and I think I have just figured out why...

For context, TikTok has been very blatantly silencing Black creators and while knowing this is one thing, experiencing it is another. It is a microcosm of what I have been trying to understand about my 'real world' trauma. I knew that racism was "a thing" and Black ppl experience discrimination in the world, but it is not something you can prepare for or understand outside of the experience itself.

Being actively targeted by faceless, nameless mass-reporters on the internet is something I do not want to get used to. So when I am asked about the measures I am taking to navigate around this emotional abuse... iwhat about the ASSAULT of being actively silenced by a violent system just for trying to make people aware of the system? Can we stop and address THAT PART?? Stop waiting for us to fix everything!

I am being abused and asking my network to see it and help me somehow, instead I am being given advice on how to conform to this abuse, given admiration for my strength, and sympathies. I am asking for HELP! I am already doing the most I can do! I made this account and this content, I am asking for YOU to do something now. Stop telling me how much you need this content... I KNOW!!! I'M THE ONE MAKING IT FOR YOU!!!!

...anyway, my point here is that I realized a pattern. Y'all sound like Human Resources when I shared my concerns about the "covert" discrimination I was facing from my management. No matter how high up I went in this company, all I was given were offers of future meetings wherein which that (female) VP could roleplay how I could express myself and my concerns to these (white male) managers in the future. Maybe even provide me a "framework" for the discussion! "tell people how you feel when they touch your hair like that"... thanks, I've never tried that before...

None of these executives spoke to these men one-on-one. At most, one provided "mediation" in order for us to "meet in the middle" on my concerns...

I can't express how much this has effected me but my hands are currently shaking uncontrollably trying to type this out. My understanding of the world has been rocked and I am trying to piece together what is real and what is not. Gaslighting is violent. Enabling gaslighting is keeping the wound open and throwing salt in it every once in a while to keep injured. Something like that...

Be patient with me, but be impatient with change...

And keep an eye on my YouTube for future content.

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